Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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