Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
