I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
