what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
