I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
