cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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