I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
