I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
