accomplished twins. life is a go
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
