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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
