it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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