Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
jump out the window naked night went bad
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