I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
