I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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