A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
