how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
