When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
