Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
