OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
