Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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