Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
