yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
