Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
