I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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