there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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