awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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