would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
