the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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