he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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