I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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