He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
