yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no, he came in my armpit
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
