there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
