I need help removing her.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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