consequently i now know what mace tastes like
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
