You're completely useless in the revolution.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
