She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
