I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
