i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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