So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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