i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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