I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
