mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
