Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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