There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
