im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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