On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
