Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
