I've blown a few things in my day
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i think my cat just said my name.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
