I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So many bounce houses so little time
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
