how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
